Lots of changes

The last post was over two months ago. I'm sorry for not keeping up but has it been a crazy two months. As soon as I got home my leader asked if I would be willing to take the leadership of our recovery ministries. I prayed and knew that it was a definite leading of God. I have been in recovery for many years and love recovery and the people of recovery.
Over the past two months God has continued to teach me some amazing things about myself and I'd like to share one of them with you.
Several weeks ago a man in the counseling training that I co-lead came up to me and asked if he could share something that God had given him for me. Usually I'm kind of skeptical about that stuff yet I felt that God really was going to speak to me through him. So for the next 20 minutes he shared with me a picture of my heart. He described that my heart had a wound hole in it. The wound had healed as much as it could but couldn't heal anymore because there was a knife where the wound was. The knife blade was dull because of the healing God had done up to this point but for the healing to be completed the knife had to come out. He didn't know what the knife was, but I immediately knew - it was trust. Many years ago I experienced something that taught me to never trust anyone or anything. Including myself.
The big problem is, the knife has no handle so there is no way for me to pull it out. I try and all I do is cut my hands. So I need help.
Two weeks ago I asked God to take the blade out of my heart so the healing could be complete. Over the past two weeks there have been some good times of peace and experiencing the wholeness that comes from God, and times of doubt and fear. Yet I've stuck to my guns and God has been easing it out inch by inch.
Pray for me that I will stay the course - I love the moments when I know that my heart is being healed by God and that he is finishing the work he started many years ago in this area of my life.